


(O)You'd be milady

by SignsTimeMemory



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post Season 7, Season 8, What-If, reference to other characters - Freeform, season 7, winter has come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-28 18:19:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12612572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignsTimeMemory/pseuds/SignsTimeMemory
Summary: "A long time ago you asked me if I'd have liked to be part of your family..."Winter comes...the Starks fight...and win...





	(O)You'd be milady

**Author's Note:**

> Sad theory time. It was a series of things hitting me,the chance my favorite character might not live through the last branch of this journey,some coldplay vibes and a theory found on the web,going all way back to the first book through a quote by Jon:  
> "You'll be sewing all through winter.When the spring thaw comes,they will find your body with a needle,still locked tightly between your frozen fingers."  
> -Bear with me,it's the very first time I write anything about GOT.

It felt colder to touch than the memories pushed down by No One.

No One didn't know how cold the snow was. The melting white soaking through clothes,and the screams of mother through the Keep.

No One had lived on the road not in a castle,no one had known hunger and a different kind of cold...the one which came with having nothing left to lose. 

To No One,nothing was to lose,because nothing had ever been.

Yet No one had known endless darkness...and hit thin air in anger,had seen the light and walked around the city bathing in it. No one had had things,and also nothing.

No fear to duel with,no anger to push up front without a calculated purpose,no pain physical or emotional. No regrets,but the sheer knowledge that any road meant death.

Nothing. 

The blood through her hands,the shivers running through her body,the ghost of other hands holding her down,keeping her on the stretcher.

Keeping her grounded.

Nothing.

Much like the snow melting away in her hands all those so called winters before,and the flowers withering away even before reaching calloused hands,and that blood coating the clothes and the body,sucking life out of a person.

Sword straight through old wounds,old scars;finally finding more than flash unlike her first experience.

It had gone through,and gotten stuck in between before it could make another hole in her back.

But when she had fallen down and looked up their opponents were no more,and people didn't look cold anymore.

There were crows in the blue sky,she had noticed...like the day her Lord Father had died...the perfect mockery for a mind,in a repressed memory with no sound,no light,and Ice forever hanging above the man who had wielded it with pride.Even Sansa had stopped screaming...finally...she was strong enough to stop.

So no one had had a family. Seven hells,no one had had a family.

It went on and on..it was crazy how vivid those memories could be when she had worked so hard to forget.

There had never been such a sight since Winter had come...of Dawn peaking through the horizon....and the sun rays hitting her face...going through her heart. It was warmer than anything she had ever felt.

It was the soft undisturbing heat of the first lights of morning.

It was not suffocating like the lands of Essos,it wasn't attempted like on a Spring day in Winterfell,or tainted by bad memories like King's landing's,it was peaceful.

It was like running miles with Nymeria,and being a child again,with all her family by her side.

She had been running for days,she had been lying in bed dying for days;the rattles slipping through the walls of her ancient home.

She had felt cold the first and then second time,through the streets of Bravoos...in many ways...it was like losing herself;trying to hold onto all the strength she had left.

The third time had been met with strong resignation. It was just a matter of time. It would be her blade winning or the Waif's.

This one...this one was like pealing darkness off her body,it didn't quell her anger,it didn't burn out her wishes,but it felt warm and awaited for. Like a reward,like it was meant to be there...and loom over her from afar,and seize her,and take her away,much beyond any journey she had ever made. Further and faster than any creature known to the world.

Arya stole a glance at the man by her side.

She felt compelled to pose the same question which had been made so many years before to a then young boy who had meant so much to her. He had been one of the reasons why she had never truly and fully turned away from love and herself,and one of the reasons why she had considered giving up on looking for a family she'd have realistically never had again. 

Except for those standing vigilant by her in the poor light of her old room. 

No...not the ones looking at her worriedly.

But the ones whose pale frames were drawing eerie light to the place,leaning over her siblings.The living ones. 

Before she could take any sort of step however,Gendry beat her at it.

"A long time ago...you asked me if I'd have liked to be part of your family".

His eyes shined with unspoken emotions at her.

They were so wrong,he knew what he was feeling,but to Arya,to No one,it was like a misplaced concept. If this was her gift,the gift the God had asked her to give then it was her duty to fullfill it,and she shall not fail,for even after leaving the House of black and white,the faith in Death had never faltered or vanished.

Yet he came to her with the question which had broken her heart...helped her put away her childish wishful thinking.

"Aye,I did...and also told you if I couldn't be family...I'd not be..."

She wiped her bloodied lips as if it didn't get to her at all that the infection eating up at her flesh and bones was finally killing her.

He grabbed her hand and looked at it like it was the most precious thing.

Arya bit her tongue trying hold back the retort which had lived on it's tip for as long as she had been able to talk. It still tumbled out like she was ten and two again.

It was like pushing him to the ground,like back then.

"I'm not a lady"

He smiled,the kind of smile that had angered her in a achingly funny way,and she could've wiped away with a kiss,had she ever dared to give into that sort of desires she had never felt till he hadn't appeared in Winterfell to help them win the war.

He knew if he had ever gotten to see her again,he'd have been met with a warrior,capable of taking care of herself.

Yet there he was,hoping for a salvation that would've never come. Time and chances had run out.

"You'd be...you'd be milady.You'd be my family..you'd be all I need,all I ever wanted."

They watched.They lurked in the darkness,with their stupid bright light...like they could forever live in the pretense to be all together again,and it was just one of those nights she had slipped into Jon's room and hugged him,and he had chased every terror of hers away...and even mother would let it go...and maybe mother had finally learned to not take things for granted.

Where had they been?Had they always followed her?Had they known?She had surely known,even before the blade struck.

The wisely illuminating moment in which she had temporarily been blinded again,her ears had rung,and her body had felt searing heat,before her blood had run cold.

Her mind had run back moons to the blazing sun of Bravoos,and her body breaking the calm surface of water,like the war which had tried to break her,but had instead twisted her in unimaginable ways.

She laughed...the first real laughter in years,and looked at him with cloudy eyes.

That too hadn't happened in years.

That sensation she had wiped out of her mind...it felt foreign...and it felt painful...those tears felt as wrong as Gendry babbling out a speech without getting to the point. His words would be soundless someday anyways. They'd fade in her memory and her siblings' if not maybe Bran's,but not the way he was holding her hand,or how troubled he looked.

"You're a bullheaded idiot..."

She didn't dare to speak those three words,but she hoped they would slide through the cracks of old road banter.

She'd not have been his lady. Seven hells no,but she'd have loved to know what it felt like to feel some love again.

In time,she'd have probably learned to feel deserving of it,again.

Before she even knew,Jon was holding her other hand,before handing her cloak to Gendry.

Nobody had bothered to wash away the blood,her own and the enemy's,covering most of it.

The smith just turned Lord wore it with pride,uncaring of it being much smaller than him,then covered her with his own.

There was no claiming of each other,no owning,they were free spirits,wrapped around each other through those cloaks.

She couldn't really count on her trembling voice anymore,but hopefully he'd know that what he had done meant a lot to her.

That she had vowed his soul would've been safe,even if words were ditching her at the moment.

She was thankful to be dying free.

She dared to smile at the memory of the half jocked promise she had made him,and to the fact in the end it had happened for real.

He'd have never dared to put her in a position she didn't want to be into.

He'd have never dared to make her a lady if she didn't want to be.

If they had lived he had promised,they'd have lived the way they were,and it would've been enough,for both...that he knew,but if the Lord of Death had chosen her before Winter had fully ended,she'd have binded her soul to his.

Her hand would've guided his,to every sentence he'd have swung his hammer,he'd have let himself be a Lord,but she'd have still not been his lady.

They would've been equals,but only binded by mind and soul.

"You wouldn't be made to lead common people,but armies.I'd be so lucky to have you milady. Your lands would never know betrayal or ruin".

There was this part of the crypts Arya had found while scouting as a child.

She had hidden into it for hours or so it had been at first till hours hadn't turned into days,without anybody knowing. Putting everything she had ever felt aside,to become a faceless man,had felt a bit like going back to those crypts. Forgetting everything and putting it all into learning and surviving,and growing up,to be a tad bit more skilled,a little bit stronger...

It had been very cold that year...

She could see the frantic look in her sister's eyes as they shared the same memory through a look.

Her young self would've probably laughed at the amount of tears she was shedding,she could've filled the Narrow Sea.

They had been shed out of reasons which sounded childish today,on both their sides,stupid like every fight they had had rather than making up memories for when they had been separated.

But Arya was dying,and she wished Sansa was crying because she had torn another one of her dresses,or thrown pie at her,rather than this.

That one time,forever lost to them,an entire castle and the nearby woods had been turned upside down to look for the youngest Stark girl. 

It was said that bells had been played all day when Sansa was born,to celebrate...to her bells had the taste of ice eating her bones away...

Cold like death.

It had frozen her to the bones.

Up till she couldn't even breath.

She had looked at her mother waiting for her scolding,but she had found unreadable eyes.

Nowadays they'd look more or less like when Bran had had his accident. 

It had been the first time death had come visit her.

Death had been her life. Death had been the ultimate loving parent,the shadow walking by her,the solution to turn to,the goal to go to sleep to every night and wake up to everyday. It had been a list burned in her mind like blazing iron on her skin,and steps on the road,and the best coin in a pocket,ready to be used once she had been willing to seize the moment and chance.

Death had never failed,disappointed or deserted her.

That freezing child in those crypts almost eons ago had already realized that death shall stand by her no matter what. Still she had waited and waited for Jon to come,and sure enough he had.Swept her up,wrapped her in his furs and promised she'd have been alright.

But since that moment on she had vowed to just give her best to not be defenseless,ever...that she had promised...lying in the arms of the one brother who had always understood her.

Live in danger,be reckless,take the winding road and deal with it.

Death had been the one thing to swear filthy to,the lord to bend the knee to,the one thing that never lied,that was set in stone...so it would be her gift,now that her goals were all reached.

O but life...

Life was Father looking at her with fond eyes,as she shot and then raised a sword for the first time and being reminded of her aunt. An aunt she'd have never met,but whose memory was strong and haunting enough that her being a ghost had never just depend on being a faceless man.

Life was Mother,so unwavering in her faith. She hoped at least,in the end,she had believed in her and her dreams,too.

Life was Jon hugging her tightly and mussing her hair up fondly,and Robb sneaking her into their practice,his poorly hidden pride at her being anything but a lady,and running after Bran and young Rickon,it was every single fight had with Sansa,but loving her no matter what.

A good spar and a travel with the friends she had met along the way.

It was loving them till pain and regret and oblivion.

It was everything that had died in her heart along the way. Everything the cruelty of other men and women had destroyed.

It was stealing her fucking breath,seven hells. Because for once,for once in the hell her life had become death wasn't supposed to be there.

She didn't want it,and she'd have gladly spared herself the pain of goodbyes.

Now like that child who had been lying freezing in the crypts of Winterfell,she had a family to lose and be lost to,again.

"I'd take you wherever you want...even the West of Westeros...and I'd tell you everyday how much of a stupid I was to not stand by your side".

Still it was peaceful in coming her way.

The timing wasn't welcome,but she felt no fear at facing it,she had no complaint over what was to happen,if not the fact she was about to inflict more sadness and pain on the people she loved.

It was quiet and contemplative as the Weirwood,and thunderous in her heart like the storm the queen Jon loved so much was said to have been born into.

There was no fear in facing it.

It was like getting to the wall,as she had been supposed to.

Taking the guards before Harrenhal could be in sight.

Walking a few miles more with the Hound.

And taking out the Waif before it could go too far.

It was incredibly rightful in it's fixing things,but quickly erased,for evey solution to each one of those problems was like erasing the girl who had been screaming inside of her,ever since she had started training to become No One.

But No One,was...had always been Someone.

Someone had been happy,afraid,sad,safe,in danger,merciful or not,strong or weak.

Arya Stark had felt happy with her family and friends. Afraid of losing them,the only sort of fear she had ever had. She had been safe or fallen into danger without further notice,she had known mercy in the House of Black and White,and slaughtered many without beating eyelash. She had powered through the darkest of nights,and into the darkness she had lived,till she hadn't managed to put away every sort of weakness.

Arya Stark had lived many lives,many names,many faces,many stories and never tales...those her sister had loved so much and then had been erased by the war. She wished they could've spared Sansa the hurt of truly finding out how painful life was. They should've spared her,at least her...

But oh for all the stupid lady stories she had never believed into...there lay the most beautiful one,the oldest tale of the world,the one First men and Andals had carefully carved into stone,the true safe harbor...the land where nothing mattered anymore...the fear which had kings and queens begging and finally had them understanding smallfolks. Feeling closer to them like never before.

The tale,the lullaby accompanying her as she crossed every name off her list,down to Cersei as she writhed under her,in her childhood home. Taking the last life,the first on her list.

Mere days before the wights had attacked Winterfell and plunged it into darkness.

It was the Tale of Death. The lullaby of gore and blood,and a dance ingrained into her as much as the Water Dance.

Her eyes shut briefly,slowly losing their focus.

"I'd tell you the things I never told you...that I spent everyday praying you were still on this earth,and at night I'd look at the stars wishing you safe travels,and I regret the time we never had together,and never telling you how much I love you."

There he whispered,in her ear,leaning over her,looking in her eyes..the idiot who never gave it up to the woman who had never wanted to be a lady.

"So you stayed,and I wanna hope sometimes you looked at the same stars and knew I was sorry,and I know it's too late but I'm here now,I'm here,and seven hells I love you,milady".

But there would be no more chances,possibilities...it was too late,once the ending was already written.

So there he kneed by her...a man finally made a Lord wed...to the Lady of Death.

_"What do we say to the Lord of Death"_

"Today"

So he kissed her,as the whisper died on her lips.

He kissed Death,and she smiled at him as an old friend,as she breathed her last breath.

                                                                        _"Death is so terribly final,while life is so full of possibilities"_

_(G.R.R.Martin)_

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> -I had this going through my mind for a little bit,so I'm glad I've finally managed to put it down on "paper".  
> -You might have noticed there's a sort of northern wedding ceremony,but I twisted it,and used only the cloaks part cause my goal was to pull something special for Gendrya without getting too much out of Arya's mind,or making the lady thing happen.  
> -And if you've gotten to this point,thank you for bearing with me. See ya next time.


End file.
